


Deadpool And The Best Anniversary Ever!

by Dr_Harleen_Frances_Quinzel



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer, crossover - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Humor, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 02:48:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2796866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dr_Harleen_Frances_Quinzel/pseuds/Dr_Harleen_Frances_Quinzel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crackfic O/S sequel to Twilight's Stealing Swan...</p><p>Just for fun!</p><p>Complete</p><p>O/S by: Dr Harleen Frances Quinzel</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deadpool And The Best Anniversary Ever!

A Fun O/S By Harleen Frances Quinzel  
I was challenged by my friend Karen Meridian! All of this was about an ad for a "willy warmer". And yes folks it really exist! Challenge accepted!!! ;)

Deadpool hums to himself as he goes through the shopping isle. He was in great spirits today as it was his and Bella’s second anniversary. He was determined to make each year better than the last. From a distance something caught his eye. Deadpool never was one to pay attention to the instructions, or what things actually were. He was more of a visual thinker and learner. This beam came about his face and the ideas come rolling in.  
“Oh Stella baby, you just wait until you see what sugar daddy has in store for you tonight.” He had this fist pumping thing going.  
“After I polish my doorknobs tonight, things are going to get mighty interesting.”  
Deadpool grabbed a CD, champagne, red roses, and red and black candles on the way out. He continued to happily hum to himself.

Bella narrowed her eyes and zoomed in on her target. She’d been thinking about what to get her husband for their anniversary. She fired and her target hit the ground. Others around him screamed out in terror and looked around, trying to figure out where the shot came from. She smiled to herself and a slight giggle came from her lips. Bella took her sniper rifle apart and put it back in the case and began picking up. She bit down on the end of one of her black gloves and took it off. As she grabbed her case with one hand she bit down on the other glove and pulled back with her teeth. Once she had it off, she pushed the down button to the elevator. When she stepped onto the elevator and the door shut, she changed out of her merc outfit and put on the sexy azure number she’d picked out just for tonight. Just as the door opened she stepped into her black heels. She smiled upon the group of men standing before her now. They each gave her the once over. She grabbed her stuff and rushed out of there. They all turned back and watched as she hailed a cab.

Deadpool gave the apartment a once over and looked to the time. He had everything set up just perfectly. He went over the checklist he’d created in his head.  
“OFF THE COUCH, RYYYYYYYYYYYANNNNNNNN!” The dog whimpered out and Deadpool gasped back.  
“Get that out of your mouth, you little bastard! That’s for Stella.” He rushes over and gets into a tug-of-war, with Ryan over the “item” he’d bought at the store.  
“Dammit Ryan, you got holes all in my little lingerie number for the wifey! YOU SUCK!”  
The dog growls at him as he rips it out of his mouth. Deadpool rushes into the bathroom and scrubs it down, then dries it off. He holds it up as if trying to figure it out. Once he thinks he has it down, he looks into the mirror.  
“Huh… this one must be shrinkie dink size. I should have gotten La Grande!” He chuckles to himself and struggles to stretch it out so he can get it on properly.  
“It’s like a dick snuggy! Hehe!” Deadpool reached over once he finally got it stretched out enough to fit (somewhat). He grabbed a black bowtie and put it on as well.  
He looked into the mirror with satisfactory and gave himself a thumbs up.  
“Heh… she’s going to love this! I kick ass!” He declares and sways his hips about making “it” dance.  
Deadpool hears the front door creaking as Bella was entering the door.  
“Oh shit! She’s early!” He rushes out of the bathroom and teleports, hitting all the lights.  
He cues in the music and hurriedly plops down on the couch. The dog whimpers out, indicating he’d landed on him.  
“That’s what you get, dipshit! Now quit, you’re ruining my game!”  
Bella heard her husband say as the song “Let’s get it on was playing.” Candles were lit throughout the apartment. She smiled happy to see that he had remembered. That smile soon faded and she reared back in wonder.  
“Wade baby…?” She uttered as she placed down her keys and various other things, she had with her due to the hit.  
He wiggled his brows as he was kicked back on the couch in this “Sexy Pose”. He had this red crocheted dick looking thing on and a black bow tie, nothing else.  
“See something you like?”  
“What are you wearing?”  
He chuckles and runs a single finger along the seam of the couch.  
“Come here and I’ll show you.”  
She takes in a breath and makes her way over. She covers her mouth and tries to keep from laughing.  
“Whattaya think babe? Did you know they made lingerie for men?!”  
“Um, Wade baby…”  
“Yes?” He says and wiggles his finger about.  
Bella grimaced as he got hard all of a sudden and that only made it ten times worse. Oh… god... what is that? She thought to herself. “Did his grandmother crochet that for him?” Only she thought she said this to herself. Proving all too well her husband had been rubbing off on her.  
“I have a grandmother?!”  
Bella sighs and rolls her eyes.  
“Why would she wanna make my wife some cock porn? Talk about awkward.”  
He was making it bob up and down and Bella quickly covered her mouth and turned her head.  
“HAWT huh? Now come and get it baby!”  
“Wade hun, where did you get that?”  
“At the store… duh…” He says with a shrug.  
“What kind of store?”  
“You know “the” store.”  
“You got my anniversary gift at a porn shop?”  
“No silly. It was at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I think it’s safe to say this one went waaaaaaay beyond.”  
“Do you still have the package to that?”  
He shrugs and points to Ryan. She hunkers down, prying the empty package from his mouth.  
She died in laughter and Deadpool shot up looking offended. She covered her mouth once more and cleared her throat.  
“That’s not lingerie, Wade. It’s a dick sock… I mean did you not read this before you bought it? It even says “The Willy Warmer… A Heater For Your Peter! It’s meant to be a gag Wade. I mean I doubt seriously anyone…” He interrupts her.  
“Why that’s just silly. His name isn’t Peter. It’s Pedro and he speaks fluent French.”  
“You mean Spanish?”  
“Nope French… You know this…” He says and wiggles his brows.  
“He loves French!”  
He starts strutting and wiggling it about.  
“Isn’t that itchy?” She questioned with curiosity.  
“Not after I waxed, now are you going to unwrap your gift or not GEEZ!”


End file.
